Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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