Michael Bay diarrhea
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
