Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
