Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
