Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
