only you would photoshop your dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
