But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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