Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
