Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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