last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
