why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
