I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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