I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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