is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
