If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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