Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
