Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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