I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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