he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and she was petting her beer can
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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