What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
