he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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