16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
