yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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