I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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