I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
