meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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