Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
