we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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