the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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