he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
