Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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