went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
