Non-Jews are for practice
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
