God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
