you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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