If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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