he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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