i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
