For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
