did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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