sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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