you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
