This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
