We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize