No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
