Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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