oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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