ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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