tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
