The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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