I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
