Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
