Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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