apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
