her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
