We're facebook friends in real life
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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