remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
