So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
