I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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