He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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