Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
